Monday, November 29, 2004

Alright, this is oldschool, yo. A few years ago I found a tape my sister and I recorded in 1984, when we were 11. We were making up stories off the top of our heads, using stuffed animals and china animals as the principle characters. I transcribed one of the stories, drew pictures to accompany the action, and put it on my old website - a long time ago, at least five years, no more than 9. I just refound the files and have put them back online for you, my readers. There are three pages, and they end in a dead-end because I couldn't be bothered to put a link back here. Sorry. Use your browser's back button, people, it's not that hard.

The Runt!

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

So, here are some thoughts I had about my experience two weeks ago, driving around the NYC-area and taking college tours with a couple of prospective students.

If the guy giving the pre-tour talk sounds really defensive, it does not bode well for the school. Don't say that the school has gotten away from the image of it being mostly a commuter school, when you then tell us (after being asked directly) that 40% of the student body goes home on weekends.

Sometimes stereotypes are true. You might think that college can't really be full of Jewish-American Princesses as you heard, and jeez does that ethnically-insensitive stereotype actual exist anymore?, BUT OH YES IT CAN and DOES. For some reason those ladies (overly groomed, love shopping, have nasal, Long-Island-tinged accent) don't live where I live now, so I had forgotten they existed. It was like coming home.

The beauty of the campus is not a good indicator of the quality of the school. Same goes for the food in the cafeteria. If that's what your tour guide loves most about her school, run away.

When asking your student tour guide about a school's visual art facilities, it is a very bad sign to get a answer like "I took a drawing class last year for fun, and it was great!" Also very bad: Classes generically named, like "ART 1."

I have no idea what publication or judging body declared Wagner College as having the most beautiful campus in the country, but they must have been smoking some serious crack.

Feel free to bail in the middle of a tour if you already know you have no interest in going there. We did this at Hofstra and, to some extent, Wagner.

I've got to tell you the story of our Wagner visit. Though it was raining and cold, we started off so hopeful about it, but then the tour started badly, and just got worse and worse. The woman leading the tour grew up on Staten Island (where Wagner is located) and loved it. She loves it still! Staten Island is the best because it is close to the city but it has grass and trees and suburbs, yay! Never mind the huge landfills, nasty traffic, and the lack of any there, there. We have lawns, people! And cars!

Luckily for everyone, also on our tour was a baby-faced boy who wants to go into business, accompanied by his starry-eyed mom. They were from Columbine, Colorado. They had not ever been to New York City before, but were staying in Manhattan. When I asked the guide how easy it was to get to the city (if there were college shuttles to the train station, for example) the boy took the opportunity to ask the guide, "So, when you're looking at the subway map, uptown is always up? And downtown is down? Because we are having a tough time figuring out where we're going." And as the tour stretched past the one-hour mark while we were exploring the dismal trash-strewn Freshman dorm, the mom saw the view of Manhattan from the top floor window and excitedly asked the guide, "Wow, what are we looking at, exactly??" As the guide pointed out the various bridges and buildings, one of my girls turned away in disgust and said softly "who cares!" which cracked me up. After well over an hour or trudging through the raw wetness, the Colorado duo wanted to see the gym, which the guide had omitted from the tour because it was too out of the way. I saved us by saying "uh, we have to go, we have another appointment" and we booked the hell back to our car.

It wasn't all crappiness. We all loved Sarah Lawrence. I don't know why I didn't consider it when I was looking for schools 15 years ago (me=old). SUNY Purchase, despite having the concrete-slab architecture I became familiar with at my expensive private college, seems like a really great place to go for arts majors. Eugene Lang, one of the four schools I applied to, also got high marks. So there was progress. And there was fun food times, and a short shopping adventure. High grades, mostly.

Monday, November 22, 2004

If it's wrong to be 32 years old and ten years out of your parents house but still bringing laundry home for the holidays, then I don't want to be right.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

I have been absent for a week's time. I was occupied elsewhere, squiring a pair of young ladies to several houses of higher learning located in the New York City area, and then I traveled on an aeroplane to the state of Florida, where I spent as few of my personal monies as possible (as it is a Red State).

And in this state of Florida, there is a large park that is themed to various amusements, and I was part of a group of professionals who were at this park for an event related to my employ. During Monday evening, I and the other professionals were treated to a lavish display of electric lights and many tables laden with fine comestibles. As we dined, several amusing performers mingled with the crowd. Two of them were in character as hoboes - common beggars, if you will. How very amusing! We all laughed gaily at the young men's lighthearted representations of the mentally ill!

No, seriously. They had people pretending to be wacky bums. For sport. Because if you just look at it the right way, the homeless are hilarious! Here's me with one of them (photo taken for my upcoming lawsuit for crimes against decency):

There was a second fake homeless guy, who gave me a "funny" coupon written on a wrinkled napkin, redeemable at his "wacky" Christmas tree lot. I don't really know what it was all about, though I like the Grinch song reference. The bums loved me, for some reason (the hair?).

It's all too bad, because I usually secretly find the street performers at these parks pretty funny. At the least, I admire their improvising skills. But this, this is a little bit gross, right? I don't think I am being too sensitive here.

Monday, November 08, 2004

I think it's a little hilarious that Victoria's Secret sells career wear. What's even better is that the models all pose like they're wearing lingerie. It's really hard to tell what these suits would look like on a normal woman - you know, one who might actually go to an actual office and actually work:

Something about the way they look all pissy cracks me up. ("You WILL take me seriously in the boardroom, even though I am presenting myself for coitus like a dog in heat! Stop judging me on my sexy, sexy legs and overly-arched back!")

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Wow, blogger allowed me to post, finally!

Well. What is there to say, really. All morning I was planning my "I HATE AMERICA" post but now, still feeling slightly ill from last night's Drown Your Dismay With Cheap Chardonnay!-fest, I just feel tired and depressed. I have no idea what the next four years will bring. More of the same, I guess. Lying and godless sacks of shit were elected and re-elected by idiots who were apparently never taught to think critically. It will get worse before it gets better. There may have to be another terrorist attack in our country before people wake up and notice the amount of bullshit they've been getting fed.

Or we could take all of New England, tack on New York, New Jersey, and the nice half of Pennsylvania, and secede from the Union. We can become New New England. (California can just become its own country; it's big enough.) We would have to build a really big wall to keep all of the idiot red-staters away from our clean air and healthy natural resources after all of their forests disappear and their air and water is poisioned and the terrorists are beheading citizens of Old America daily. They brought it on themselves, after all. We tried to tell them what would happen, but they wouldn't listen.

I guess I am still angry. Huh.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Damn my niece is a little cutie! She was a growly lion for Halloween. And because my sister is a crafty Way sister, she made the costume herself. More pics to the left of the pic I just linked to, if you wanna see more of teh cutes.
I just posted something kinda fun over at Craftytown. I know chowflap is linked all over the place and Craftytown, not so much. But if you're only visiting this here blog, you are missing out. If I feel like writing about crafts, or anything interesting going on in my town, or anything I've observed on my way to and from work, I write it in Craftytown.

Chowflap is for existential crises and cuss words.

Monday, November 01, 2004

I love hearing "Don't forget to vote!" As if anyone could forget to do that this year.

I can't really imagine Bush remaining president, because it would be so awful. Terrific, in the old-fashioned meaning of the word. Yet I also can't imagine Kerry winning, because I just don't believe the Republican Election Squad would allow it. Before the Sox won the Series I thought that if they did, it would be a good indicator that Kerry would win. Afterwards, I decided that the lunar eclipse allowed the Sox to win, so the omen is nullified.

Tuesday will be a very, very tense time. I already have a friendly place lined up to go and drink and watch the results roll in. Thank God.