I had a fun evening at home last night, warmed by the glow of the television and Must-See TV. It was just me and the girls. During the commercials we were all punchy and giggly. I was petting my dog, rubbing her pinkish belly, and I said, "ooh, look at this nice belly. I bet there's poop in all those tubes in there, just movin' through..."

T: (loudly) Oh my god, that is the most disgusting thing I've ever heard! Stop it!

Me: What? I'm just petting her stomach, nothing nasty or anything. Just talking about her intestines under there, and the poop moving through them...

T: Shut up shut up!

Me: (standing up) See, there's poop in those pink tubes inside here (pointing at my belly) , too!

T: STOP IT! (laughing and acting grossed out)

Me: And YOU have some in your tubes (tries to point to her belly; T screams in horrror, loudly).

A comes downstairs to see what the hell's going on. I tell her and we both agree T is overreacting.

T: You don't just start talking about that kind of stuff! You just don't!

Me: Why not?

T: Okay, fine; I've got shit in my tubes! In fact, (pulling pants down a little) I'm-a prairie-doggin' it right now!!

I glance at her exposed hip and see a pink heart markered on her skin, with a "W" in the middle. W, her boyfriend.

T quickly pulls up her pants and turns away, hoping I didn't see anything.

Me: (of course) I SAW THAT! Ha ha ha!

T: SHUT UP! (she runs out of the room, laughing)

Pretty fun. Then P comes home and everyone's grumpy again, probably because while they can potentially blame this whole moving-away-from-their-friends thing on him, they know I have no say at all in that kind of matter, and so can't blame me. I'm sure it won't last.