The Year in Review.

Maybe you know you truly are a grown-up when each year stops being better than the one before. I don’t think that my past two years or so of disappointments and loneliness mean that the rest of my life will continue on this path. (After all, I have great friends, supportive family, a creative job…) I am hoping I can purchase this house, and that it will mark the beginning of positive changes in my life. I will have to raise money outside of my salary in order to have any fun, and that will mean finally getting off my ass and trying to sell some art or craft. If I don’t get the house, it’s a sign I need to choose a different path. I’ve always been frustratingly good at playing devil’s advocate, making it nearly impossible to make a decision. As practice I sometimes choose without discussion where my also-indecisive friends and I go out to dinner, but even that tiny, consequence-free act feels risky and exhilarating.

Meanwhile, today I got the Title V report on the house’s septic system. I read it with an uncontrollable expression of revulsion on my face, since it talks about sludge depths and solids levels and cesspool liquids and leaching and pumping and sewage odors… Ew ew ew ew.