I had a dream last night that I had a relationship with a co-worker. I didn't remember it until I got in this morning and listened to a voicemail from him. Why does his voice seem all special and intimate today? Oh right, we had sex last night, in my dreams. Great. As nothing is ever simple and fun in my dreamlife, our relationship started listlessly and soon after it began we decided there was no spark and that we should call it off. Amazingly the decision was entirely mutual. Then some crisis happened that thrust us together and we suddenly got all affectionate with each other, but it was too little, too late. This is with someone I am not very attracted to in real life, by the way.

I took an online quiz last week that said if I was a sexual position, I'd be a standing 69, which is clearly a porn-film-only position. Why would anyone attempt a 69 while in a handstand? It's a ton of physical effort for no extra thrill. Also, for the "Which Winona Ryder character are you?" quiz, I'm the Winona in Heathers. Just thought you should know.