Monday, March 06, 2006

Some advice:

"Passed" and "past" are not the same words. They sound similar, but are not spelled the same way, and do not mean the same thing. At all.

Same goes for "lose" and "loose," which don't even sound the same.

If you are going to be drinking a lot, to the point where you must throw up, please do so in the gutter and not on the sidewalk next to my office building (or the bank, or the clothing store). I really don't enjoy stepping over dried-up, chunky puddles of whatever you ate just before going out for Bud Lites at Tulley's. Plus: Have some fucking dignity.

Perhaps you haven't shopped anywhere other than WalMart, ever, in your entire life. You may be surprised to discover that prices at Target are a few cents higher than what you are used to. This is not a good reason to loudly state your complete shock at how expensive the Lean Cuisine entrees are. Please keep it to yourself and your long-suffering husband.

Homeless (?) lady: As I walk down the street with my boyfriend, don't talk right over our conversation with a request for money; I'm stupid and lose (note word usage) my train of thought easily, and so when you interrupt me I get pissed. Also, when I ignore you and continue talking, it doesn't help your cause to add a "have a lovely evening" after I walk past (note word usage).

Some advice, Oscars section:

Reese Witherspoon: You're cute, and you aren't Renee Zellweger, but still: Shut up.

Salma Hayek: You have an awesome body. Don't let some stupid designer stuff you into a weird boob-bisecting dress ever again.

And finally, Charlize Theron: WTF.


Tits McGee said...

Your advice is most excellent. Expecially with regard to choice of locale in blowing chunks.

I am afraid, however, that I must diverge in opinion with you when it comes to the lovely Ms. Hayek's choice of Oscar dress. I thought she looked booblicious.

debl said...

She is normally boobilicious. When she was presenting (heh) her boobs looked mashed and deformed. One boob was squished by a strap of the dress and it looked like the dress didn't fit her properly, which is a shame.

debl said...

P.S. Tits, I found a representative picture:
See how the strap pushes the one boob up and kind of divides it into two? That's the tragedy I am referring to.

Anonymous said...

Hey. Is using the "word" "useage" part of the joke? Isn't it spelled "usage"? I'm just wondering.
- SWay

debl said...

Ha ha, yeah! Um, of course that was part of the joke! I am so clever, ha ha.... ha.

Tits McGee said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tits McGee said...

Funny - I posted the same picture as an example of how tasty those babies were looking. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.