I didn't even watch the MTV video awards and this recap is still cracking me up. Two of the Television Without Pity writers just taped themselves talking shit throughout the show, and then transcribed it.

Here's an excerpt:

Stee: I feel bad that 50 Cent can't open his mouth very wide.
Pamie: Well...Yeah.
Stee: He just wants a hug.
Pamie: And to kill you.
Stee: He broke Eminem's Moon Man.
Pamie: Aw.
Stee: He's so humble.
Pamie: Because he's retarded.
Stee: What?
Pamie: What?
Stee: 50 Cent's not retarded.
Pamie: Whatever.
Stee: No, he just can't open his mouth very wide because he got shot so many times. Nine times in his jaw!
Pamie: This song is "Mah-ba-dee-bu-duh. So come give me a hug." That's what retarded kids like. Dancing, hugs.
Stee: That's true. "I like the circus."
Pamie: "Go Shorty, it's your birthday."
Stee: "Go Daddy, it's the kitty. I like the kitty, and it's my birthday!"
Pamie: "I like parties, it's my birthday!"
Stee: "I like ham! And I like pizza! Let's go swimming! Take me to the beach! Take me to the zoo!"
Pamie: "Have you ever seen a cat? I have! I have three."
Stee: "I wanna sit in the front seat, you sit in the back!"
Pamie: "It's time to take my meds, I'd like some more jam."
Stee: "Where's my helmet? I need my helmet."
Pamie: "Give it back, it's mine, it's mine, it's mine!"
Stee: "You wanna bite? You can have a bite. Everyone gets a bite."
Pamie: Do you think our room in Hell will have an ocean view?