Friday, August 06, 2004

I have a tendancy to over-share.

It's something I'm very aware of, so I try to stop myself before I go too far. Usually, I do a good job. Usually I do a good job of it on this blog.

But it's especially hard to not over-share when I'm feeling exceptionally aimless, lonely, bored, and sickly (still have a cold, and it's cramping my style) and it feels like if I don't talk to someone about it, I might die. I have some notion that doing so will help me out. Like the other person will say, "I hear you debl. I know a great guy with a big crush on you, here's his phone number. And I found a job listing for an artist, they want someone to make fun crafts for 100k a year, and it says the person must have 8 years of magazine editorial experience, isn't that odd. And hey, we're all about to go white-water rafting, followed by a clambake, at which we've hired The Pixies to play just for us. Come with!"

In reality, I should be the one to make arrangements for the amazing clambake, if that's what I want to do. I'm just so tired and gross-feeling with the cold I have that I don't feel up to doing anything, while at the same time, I really want to be feeling great and going out and having adventures. And as hard as I try, I can't will myself into getting over this cold. Stupid viruses, they're so frustrating.


Gretchen said...

"In reality, I should be the one to make arrangements for the amazing clambake...."

You know, I feel this way too, a lot. But then I think, "Why should I have to be the one who does the planning? It's just as much Sam's/Katie's/Joanie's responsibility as mine to maintain this relationship." I start to realize that even more than wanting connections with other people, I want *someone else* to issue the invite so that I know that someone else cares. I've always been the first one to plan things, invite people, etc., and I eventually started to wonder if people were just coming because it was something to do or because they really wanted to. I mean, did they even actually *like* me? I so badly want someone to call *me* and say, "Hey, I like hanging out with you. Wanna do something?" I sound pretty pathetic, and I don't even have a cold! :)

P.S. Props to a fellow editor-type. I'm a real-live freelance editor!

debl said...

I've been through that before, with friends who just would never ever call first. Some of them slowly faded out of my life, because I did ultimately feel like, What's the point, they don't think about me unless I contact them. However, there are people out there who just suck at making plans, but who can still be great friends to have. You kind of have to weigh the annoyance of never being called with the fun you have when you actually do get together. (Most of my current friends are not the never-call-first types, by the way.) For the people who faded away, we were never all that tight to begin with.

Gretchen said...

Yeah, I've had some friendships fade for the same reasons. But they were with people who really made *no* effort. Then, there are other friends, who I actually talked to about the whole situation, and they said, "We don't plan things because *you're* the one who does that. We just got used to you being the person who gets things together." Huh. I guess if they keep showing up, I don't have anything to worry about. And you're right--the fun we have, even if I'm always the initiator, is so worth it.